| Wednesday, October 20th, 2004 |
| 11:19 am |
I think I'm done with girls. As I might have said in my last entry but it didnt happen. I met this nice girl who kinda spit in my face by going to the homecoming with someone other than me. Then I was thinking of getting with this girl named Amber but shes still obsessed with her ex-bf Chris and my friend Billy is still obsessed with her. I can't do that to a friend you know. Although there is the one girl named Beth who I talk to every once in awhile shes pretty cool. She reminds me of someone else I know but I'm not going to mention any names. Current Mood:  annoyed |
| Tuesday, August 10th, 2004 |
| 2:31 am |
And yes were back to more depression. Life really sucks I don't even know what to do anymore. I wish that i could figure out what to do. I've pretty much given up on girls. Everyone has been telling me to wait but I don't have that kind of patience and I keep getting myself hurt, so yeah. |
| Thursday, July 29th, 2004 |
| 1:34 pm |
Wow its been a long time. I'll start with Project Revolution 2004 tour. I got to see Less than Jake, The Used, Snoop Dogg, Korn, and Linkin Park. I only stood up for Korn and Linkin Park. This guy got his eyebrow ring ripped out and he was bleeding everywhere and Amanda freaked out. Then omg I went crazy when Linkin Park came out I couldnt even talk the next day it was hard working. I had to yell for meat and that didn't go over to well. Jonthan Davis came out and sang "One Step Closer" with Linkin park it was so awesome. I have to go see Linkin Park again sometime. Now my real issues are what lie with my heart. Some really good points were made but I don't think she understands where I'm coming from. It hurts it really does. But I guess it doesnt really matter considering the shit I put her through. My friend ran away shes been gone for four days and I only found out yesterday thats pretty sad. But I'm always the last to know so what else is new. I'm about to go search for her in a few mins. so yeah.....to be continued some time |
| Thursday, July 1st, 2004 |
| 7:47 pm |
Why is everyone so worried about me? People really shouldn't be. Life is almost back to normal. I'm thinking about asking this girl to the movies tomorrow night considering I get paid. Dont worry I'll be back before you know it. Oh and I get to see Linkin Park on July 24. |
| Monday, June 28th, 2004 |
| 7:38 pm |
A lot has happened in the past few days. So....yeah i wont be on for awhile. |
| Wednesday, June 16th, 2004 |
| 1:39 pm |
Well...my comp. has been acting up lately so I've tried to avoid using it. Been playing a lot of DDR to try and get rid of my depression but its not working. I can't get over Brandi. I may act like I'm over her but I'm not. A lot of ppl are just telling me I'm stupid that I should be over her by now. What? You dont think I know this. But it's not that easy to let go of someone you have dated for 3 years. It's just not the same with anyone else. It rips me apart. No one will ever understand how I feel. Well maybe one person. It's not fair the way she has treated me, I know this. But, I don't know why I want her back. Maybe its just fear of never being loved again. I really can't say. |
| Wednesday, June 9th, 2004 |
| 7:22 am |
Why?
Well, my nightmares have become reality. Brandi has a boyfriend. I think I'm just gonna give up. She lied to me again. She told me she wasn't readt for a relationship with anyone period. She also never planned on telling me of this new boyfriend cause it was better that I not know. Better that I not know? Why? So I could make an ass of myself by trying so hard to get back with her and not get anywhere. I told her that if shes gonna keep doing this then to stop coming around and quit talking to me. She's about to lose two friends. Me and this Trish (a girl thats like my sis and her best friend). Trish doesnt like how she has been treating me and then Brandi will realize what she has done. I'd probably end up accepting her back if all that happened cause I'm a moron. Still don't know if shes pregnant or not and I hope shes not cause after all the lies she's fed me I don't think sh e would hang around for me to raise my child. On a happier note I have started a website with poetry I have written. Right now it's really small but in time it will have grown.....hopefully. The address is http://www.freewebs.com/hitopoetry/ Current Mood:  crushed |
| Sunday, June 6th, 2004 |
| 2:34 pm |
I think things are starting to look up. There is more communication between Brandi and I. We went to see Harry Potter Friday night and it was a horrible movie. Too much left out of the movie that was in the book, too much important stuff. Got the game though and its actually hard. Anywho, my friend got to go to England.....thats so not fair. I would love to go to England. I like the English accent. I guess that is it at the moment..... |
| Tuesday, June 1st, 2004 |
| 3:46 pm |
Life
I wish life had a reset button. I've messed up big. Lost the only girl I ever loved cause I ignored her for so long. We grew apart and I just found out she may be preganant. Don't get me wrong I want a child but I also want to be there for her. She wont accept me back and it's killing me. We're still friends but I want to be more. I want to be there for her and my child if she is pregnant. I told her I wanted to be a family and she said, "I don't know im about to go insane." Im 20 freakin years old, how many guys my age would stick around to raise their child. I wanted to marry this girl. But now I'm all alone. Everyone is telling me to give it up, but no one understands how I feel. I've tried to give it up, all I do is dream about her. I have trouble sleeping. I have this feeling she is seeing someone else which I hope isn't true. I don't want my child to be raised by someone else. I know I messed up I've gave up so much for her. I gave up my internet time I used to be on here about 15 hours a day now im down to one. I used to play videogames when i wasnt on here now my PS2 is collecting dust. So many ppl have tried to explain to her what I've done for and how much I love her and they've all said they would love for their boyfriends to do the same. Am I missing something or is life just one big game with no reset button? And, on top of all this I have lied to numerous online friends. You'll know who you are when I say "I dated this girl for 3 years." Yes 3 years all the times I was on I had a girlfriend and I'm sorry I lied to you all. Yes it was sick twisted and down right wrong if you don't want to talk to me anymore I understand. Tanaka I did love you more sisterly love than anything. Astarte I loved your personality not you who was I kidding. Myself perhaps. I'm so so sorry to all of you that I've lied too. You all have been such good friends and I don't want that to go away but it probably will. Current Mood:  distressed |
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